turning points

There have been few turning points in my life, I think all of them related to stop fearing something.
At first I learnt not to fear life, I was a teenager. Later I realized that fearing something should not stop you from doing what you feel you have to, I was a young adult.
This year I finally understood that life must be lived at its full potential, trying not to leave anything behind. I learnt not to fear people, but most importantly I learnt not to fear feelings. I was told more than once to let passion flow, but was really never able to. I learnt to catch every single occasion to have fun, to be amazed, to love. 

But it really was like being born again.

My crazy RavenEye finger tattoo

At some point this summer, an intense dialog between heart and mind began.

Heart: I really really want a RavenEye tattoo!

Mind: No rush, and remember the two-months rule.

yeah but...

do you remember when you wanted wings tattoo on your entire back?

ok ok got it. But I really want something with their logo.

Look what we’re going to do: we’ll find someone who can make a pendant with the logo, what do you think?

that’s a great idea, thanks!

And this ideal dialog reacted at different points during these months.

On November the fourth Giulia and I flew to the UK to see a couple of gigs of the RavenEye. Needless to say, it was awesome. So awesome that the idea of the tattoo got stronger.

I think we should do it
I shall remind you your tattoo golden rules? First: wait two months to be sure you really agree with yourself. Second: please no exposed places, all tattoos must be covered if necessary. You don't want people to judge you, right?
got it
...
listen, brain. I really really want a tattoo behind my ear, something about the music.
follow our rules please, that's a quite fucking exposed place, isn't it?
you're right but... may I have a bass clef?
no way

ok a note will be fine. 

Saturday, december third.
After a hard week, brain is temporarily unavailable due to work overflow. I decided to go to take appointment with a famous tattoist in Rome. You know, they always have a long long queue, so I planned to have a month wait to further think about my tattoo ideas. To keep faith with the two months rule. I wanted to have it earlier next January. 

But. 

The tattoo artist had just finished a beautiful leg tattoo on a girl and he was free. 

WOHOOOOOO Dear tattooist, I'm here for a finger tattoo and a tattoo behind a ear

ZZZZZZZZ

And that's it, taking advantage of temporary absence of some mature conscience in my person, I had these tattoos, breaking all my rules. 

Unstable conditions, a symptom of life

This is the first line of a song by Rush, Vital Signs. Rush was the favourite band of my boyfriend of the teenage years. We had some friction about music taste, and it took me a while to admit that, yes, I like them too. A lot.

And, yes, I love Jeddy Lee as a bass player.

But getting back to the topic of the post, it’s strange how you struggle to get to a stable life and when you get there... you die a little.

I spent maybe ten years struggling so much for my life, for my family and my work. And then, when everything was finally in its place, when everything was stable and balanced, it seemed that my heart freezed and my brain melted.

What an ungrateful bitch, it took me a while to accept that easy life is not for me.

But that’s it, my balance was disrupted. And it feels great. And I need challenges, and I found them.

And I have a project that I know I will hate myself but in the end I will feel like a god.

Courageous convictions
Will drag the dream into existence

A tired mind become a shape-shifter
Everybody need a soft filter
Everybody need reverse polarity
Everybody got mixed feelings
About the function and the form
Everybody got to elevate from the norm.